I may not...

Actually write in this blog enough. I have a personal journal that I write in just for myself, so I tend to suck at remembering to write in here and share with whomever what's been going on with me.
The answer to that question is a lackadaisical "not much". I had my birthday, which was loads of fun, and booze, and a hangover that lasted two weeks due to being rudely hijacked by a cold and strung along. I'm still getting over feeling like a complete homebody. I actually should embrace it, because so much of my time is spent on the go, out and doing things with others, and never in my own little hobbit shire. It's more than wonderful to actually have my own space like I do, and I've been here long enough that I've made it my own, and embraced it, and I am truly grateful for it, because too much of my last 6 years has been spent occupying borrowed space. Technically this space is still borrowed, but it's borrowed from my father this time, and I maintain the sentiment that wherever he is, is home.
The opportunity that I've been given at this time in my life, to have the time and space to explore myself and learn as much as I can about myself, and who I want to be is something I cannot measure. I feel like the luckiest person to have the kind of freedom and understanding I've been given and shown to truly find myself and figure out what I am in this life. I know I haven't been very good at it in the past, but I'd like to think I'm doing much better at understanding my limitations, my needs, my heart, and my desires. So much of our lives seems to be spent in an external state of mind, working as hard as we can for the money we need to buy the things we need, and the things we think we need. Or putting energy into something we want to define us, without actually working to change ourselves.
Finding passion has been a challenge for me. I've always (seriously, always) been generally apathetic, disenchanted and frankly a bit of a  ne'er-do-well. Not that I'm not a caring, concerned person, just that when it came down to it, I don't have a track record of getting anything done, or taking care of the responsibilities I've had. I always say "I have the best intentions, and the worst execution". I just don't see the need for the anxiety and the stress, and the madness. I see now that I'm a bit older, that I need some kind of fire under my ass to get anywhere, but I also know that I refuse to do it for anything that I don't truly love, and that I am not passionate about, which brings me full circle into saying that I have a hard time finding things that I feel that way about. However, I have definitely found a few things, such as the Human Rights Campaign, that I feel an ironclad devotion to within my heart. I've never been steadfastly sure of something as sure as I am of the things that I've found within the last few years. I've always had an open heart and a live and let live idea about life, but my need to fight and defend the basic rights of mankind that I believe to be absolute and true has never been stronger. I have grown to despise a part of my roots and heritage the more I've researched and learned about it, and all it shows me is how much harder I need to fight for what is right and just, and fair in this world.
I suppose that's all I want to say, for now, but I want to make the effort to update here more frequently so I will see you again soon!
-Jess